on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
