I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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