The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And then he peed in my hair
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