I love black thongs
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
