I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
