my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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