Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Every concussion has its silver lining
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
