you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
