So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
