i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
