Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
