Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think weed is turning my hair brown
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
