i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
