eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
