I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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