When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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