it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
