I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
