I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
