I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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