Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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