he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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