I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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