If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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