Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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