His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize