There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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