Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
