So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
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We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
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I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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