chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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