where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
