we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
