also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
try to milk me bitch
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