Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
