'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
