I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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