Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
