i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
