was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
