At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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