those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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