addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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