his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
