I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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