Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
