PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you didnt know i had herpes?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
