Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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