We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
