am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
