he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
