I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we still banned from the library?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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