what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
