You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He shit in the fireplace
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