Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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