Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
