If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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