At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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