I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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