Plan B is the new Plan A
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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