This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
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Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
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Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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