My underwear smells like fireworks.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
