Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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