my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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