He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
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He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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