There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
