I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
