A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
