I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I forgot how hot balto sounded
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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