I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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