Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
