Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
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I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
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I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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