What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
