i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize