She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
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My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Strip Mario-Kart
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
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