She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
